Running time: 96 minutes. Rated R (bloody violence, language, some sexual content and drug use). In select theaters on April 16; 20 April on demand.
Don’t be fooled by the name Morgan Freeman.
The 83-year-old actor appears in the new action film “Onequish” alongside Ruby Rose. But the Oscar-winning director and co-writer cannot pick up this heinous material by George Gallo. Poppy cannot fluff it after spinach.
The exhausting film is about a former drug runner for Russians named Victoria, played by the model and the same actress Rose. During a bloody night, crime boss Damon (Freeman) takes on reformist mercenaries to murder and rob the crooks in exchange for his daughter’s safety. He holds the little girl hostage.
During Eternal Shree, Damon instructs Victoria through a dimly lit Bluetooth headset that he almost never leaves. He makes useful comments like “Wow,” “Oh, S-T” and “Stay awake”. “Onequish” may be Freeman’s easiest role yet – and, yes, I know he gave a voice in “The Left Movie”.
What is the ultimate goal of this orgy of violence? your guess is as good as mine. Similar is the ambiguous setting. Rose is Australian, but the mysterious city she is in is populated by southern Yokel criminals, German thugs and French sleischoles. Welcome to Deutsch-lanta-ace!
Every illegal location it is sent to – there are five and you count them down in the hope that it will speed things up – proudly nonscript and always tinted blue or green. There is a German-speaking nightclub with just two patrons, and a drug lord’s headquarters located in the Peoria Crimes-de-Sac.
The scene in that indulgent house however provides a good lifestyle tip. After a bad guy rooftops Victoria, he wakes himself up by doing a line of coke from the coffee table. Remember that, children.
There is nothing wrong with films that are far less than a compilation of violent scenes. The “John Wick” series is exactly the same, with occasional backstories thrown in for breath. But the excellent action of “John Wick” is like watching a ballet … if everyone in “Swan Lake” was killed mercilessly.
In “Onequish”, Victoria is a simple sharpshooter, who once slides her motorcycle under a semi-truck – a trick we’ve seen countless times on-screen. The fight is unsatisfactory, and renders the film a failure.
Early in the film Damon goes for confession and says, “Bless me that I have sinned.” Actually. Say 10 “Hail, Mary,” Morgan.
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